DakarLOG – Support, Satellites and wishful Safe returns | Go Live

“Shawna Cox wonders if she can GO LIVE VIDEO in Morocco – needs SATELLITE assistance!!”

Facebook has done something horrible – it turned a genuinely fun day at Cafe Beano in Calgary – a once a month thing where a few of us would do this silly and oddly swanky thing where we would only talk in the 3rd person to one another….  ok, you are thinking that didn’t we have much to do – well, we did, but this was that mild form of entertainment that kept us all giggling and made us think a bit different on that day than on any other given day.

Enter ‘FAcebook’.  

yup – with iPhone in hand, 3rd person day has become almost everyday.  I found myself hiking, thinking “Shawna thinks this moss is interesting…”  I stopped and thought “wow, who is talking?”  It’s all of the sudden like  I am a director in my own personal movie, with the commentary that one can turn ‘on’ or ‘off’ on the DVD extras.

I was wondering “who really thinks what I am doing is so interesting?”.  I guess I do – cause I was commenting on it.  Maybe it made me really SEE and be AWARE of what I was doing.  Maybe I was just getting closer to borderline crazy (most likely)…  

Or, Maybe…  Someone else out there may find what I am doing, interesting.  Facebook posts these mini-feeds.  These mini-feeds become a REAL thread.  A snapshot into your friends lives.  A little voyeuristic, but hey, we DO POST photos and thoughts and feelings FREELY for others to ‘SEE’.  Not so private, but SO VERY PUBLIC.   

Today, I updated my profile “what are you doing right now?” with this:

“Shawna Cox wonders if she can GO LIVE VIDEO in Morocco – needs SATELLITE assistance!!”

My facebook world responded back.  Mostly email messages – from more people than I thought were actually interested.

Here’s one response:

Wherever you’re going,whoever your with,whatever the hell is going on whether good or bad, Be careful!..You are such a strong person,and I want you to come back all in one piece, because we are destined to meet some day,somewhere even if only for a few minutes. Just a few wouldn’t be fair, though would it? Love ya’ ; p

And my response back – funny, I didn’t know this is where I was really at until I responded to my friend from afar…

I am only doing what I know and that is ‘to just keep going’ – and I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM GOING! – I think we would always hit the day when we said “I wish I would have”. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I would rather try than fail than to know that I didn’t even try at all. damn that’s corny, until you are faced with it full on. In the end it is only me who can walk through that door first, so that others can and will follow. I know I am not doing it alone – i know everyone is behind me. Including you. Thanks for being there every step of the way. Thank you for your great and supportive words. Paths will cross, that is just how the world seems to work these days…

hugs s

I think in School, we are always trying to be cool, to fit in, to have a purpose that is clear and a status of some sort of importance or relevance.  I am 35 years old, feel like I have none of the above.  

All I have is this beat inside me that doesn’t stop and I somehow can’t shake it’s message…  I guess out of all those 35 years, I don’t think I learned a thing, cause everything I am doing is going FLAT OUT again ALL COMMON SENSE.  

Somewhere, early on, someone told me that I could be anything I wanted and do anything I wanted.  Somehow, that seems to be my default – NO IDAE WHERE IT CAME FROM (so I will blame my parents).  Not Fight or Flight response, but a ‘KEEP DREAMING’ response.  And the closer I get to feeling like it’s all about to fall away, I wake up with something beating inside me.

 ”just one more day…  I can do it…”  

I don’t want to wake up if it means my life is anything other than what I have created to this date.  Yes, there are things I am missing, yes, there are things I am envious of, but DAMN YES, in some burnt-out way, I still wake up thinking…

“maybe today…”

 

 

I still have hope.  Maybe, just maybe – this is what my life is to be.  One continuous journey – no start and no end.  Just all the hope of life and love inbetween.

Thank you to everyone that has made me feel sane.  For a moment, a second, or just in passing.  

This is your journey as much as it is mine – thank you for sharing the trail.

I am trying to wrangle a video upload from Morocco.  Believe it or not – it’s a bit tougher than from the Dakar Rally.  I will do what I can – try some services from the UK.  If you know anyone, send them my way.

Sweet dreams and see you in Morocco.

Shawna