SLOG – Fate, LOST TV and a little Tale to tell | SOLO

I was asked to be a guest blogger on SoloTraveler and was supposed to type a gaunty 250 post, but I got a little lost along the way.  Here’s the version that WON’T make the cut, but I RECOMMEND the read until the final choppy-chop.

 

 

Entry 001 CFilmGirl: Fate, LOST TV and a little Tale to tell.

 

I feel like a covert operative most days, in reality I am just a film girl who just can’t stop getting on the plane.  There is no one else who is willing or able to keep up with my adventures other than at my side via Twitter and FaceBook. I am a solo filmmaker / traveler (which means I am the producer, director, writer, camera operator, sherpa, self-guide, bad-translator, travel-advisor with a break-the-budget love of late night wine, local yums and cool-unique sleeps).

 

The line has long been blurred between a story I was chasing and the story I am now shaping so I can keep on ‘chasing’. Cradling my MacBook Pro, in Air Canada Exec class (Aeroplan points) on a direct flight from Calgary, Canada to San Diego, USA, checking out my latest tweet on my iPhone (ok – I have a few/many sanity/insanity tools/tricks to travel).

CFilmGirl: Missed Banff TV Fest but hit Exec Prod / Director of #Lost “did you write it with the end in mind?” haha http://yfrog.com/5cn6ej

I jump over to FaceBook to see if Twitter auto updated my status, upload and tag myself on the same photo I tweeted.  

 

I always feel like I don’t have enough time to ‘tweet’ let alone eat, I don’t even know if I ‘hashed’ properly (not talking weed or pot here) but sharing these updates and nuggets of travel and film makes me feel a bit less guilty about this pseudo lifestyle and leaving my loved ones behind… most of the time. There is still the guilty pleasure of disappearing – going ‘off grid’ and THAT is the freedom of going solo.  The choice to share VS to have a secret moment.  In the end, I am the only one in the conversation “what happens on a solo trip – stays on a solo trip…”

 

Going solo, like going to a party solo (one note here…  I am shy & single) gives you the time to experience everything around you in a completely different way.  Much like a writer or a director, you become immersed in a world and have a heightened, focused experience that we yearn for in many aspects of our lives but rarely are able to achieve.  For some they find it via adrenalin, drugs or even rock and roll – for me, it’s travel and I am a bit different person when I step out of my life and into a solo experience without any of regular daily life’s gauges, labels or distractions.  But I am preaching to the converted and hope to convert a few of my shy and curious peeping toms that I know have been watching with a longing curiosity.

 

Back to me and Jack Bender, mastermind behind ‘Lost’, arm in arm in the Calgary Airport. A happen-chance meeting while in line at the USA customs began with a simple comment about a photo mural hanging overhead to kill time directed to no one in particular…  “Mount Rushmore – I don’t care to go”.  I bit the bait, answering “I think I was there when I was young. I think I was sick – I think maybe it dreamt I was there”. A Kiwi solo traveler piped up “who’s the guy with the mustache?” We all shared a short trivia moment, killing time.  

 

Jack was there for the Banff Festival, which I couldn’t afford to attend.  Funny cause he was the only person I would have wanted to meet at the festival if I could have gone.  Funny, cause I don’t even watch Lost.  Funny cause he was standing right there, solo and we naturally lead into conversation.  This is what we call in the media industry a ‘slow pitch’ environment.  Outside the industry, I call this a ‘slow experience’.  Others call it FATE and fate doesn’t happen if you are not open and AVAILABLE (like dating) to new experiences.

 

Maybe you’ve heard of ‘slow foods’ dining where instead of the typical fast-food choke-it-chow-it down-get-the-’F’-out-of-here race, a meal could last 4 hours or longer into the night and is typically shared with a larger group, turning a meal into a shared experience. 

 

Well, I collect ‘slow experiences’. I don’t expect something to happen at first point of contact, I don’t hit the typical tourist sight or follow an itinerary.  I shoot the same way – I don’t have a shot list, I don’t have a set cast of characters – I wake up, start moving and I let a story guide me. When I am solo, a voice seems to call out softly, demurely and it playfully beckons me to follow it.  It’s not long until I am under it’s spell, like a new  romantic interest. It grows into an intimate and at times even sensuous experience but it never fails to develop into a deeply honest and revealing journey – both for myself as a filmaker and as a human being.   

 

There is something uniquely beautiful to be surrounded by so many undiscovered locations, cultures, characters, behaviors and story-lines.  Traveling and shooting solo, void of negotiations, justification only instinct and whims.  Yes, there are times of danger, extreme risk and emotion but even though I am solo, I have learned to reach out wherever I am and ask for help and guidance to those who ‘happen’ to be at my side at that moment.  Places do not seem so foreign when you can be one on one, face to face with strangers and has never failed for a friend to show up just when I needed one most – I just didn’t know they were a friend until they said ‘hello’.  

 

It’s a shift from “who is at my side and needing someone there right from the beginning” to “I am beginning and I wonder who will grace my journey along the way”.  With that shift and a little faith and patience on my part, the world around me opened my eyes and allowed me to keep my wits about me when surrounded by the strangest of languages and in the deepest recesses of the desert.  I now truly don’t feel that traveling solo translates to traveling alone.

 

Through my journey, I also recently came to understand that the world bears a strong and mischievous sense of humor.  I now take each victory and each fall in stride with a crooked grin of my own as if I secretly immersed in a game of practical jokes, witty tests and a never-ending treasure hunt with a storyteller much larger than myself.  Someone, something out there is scripting a grand adventure of which I am unable to uncast myself from.  I faithfully listen to the whispered words on the wind and just keep on trekking towards the next bump or fork in the road. Taking it all in stride as I travel to gather a better understanding of my place in the world and fill an unquenchable curiosity of the world and it’s mysteries, romances, dramas, adventures, comedies and hopefully not to many more horror or war stories… 

 

What better way to discover the next amazing story than to step out of the known and explore solo, your own amazing unknown, yet to be discovered life.  You never know where you may end up and who you may friend along the way.

 

Happy Tales to you – until we meet…  

 

A quick note on attraction cause I am always asked what qualities I look for in a partner (dating, working or traveling).  I always pick ‘personality’ which I define as personal behaviour shaped by personal experience.  I always hit the ball into their court afterwards with: “Take the time to question, explore, discover and shape your own world – inside and out.  You will stand out in my books – I will be curious and want to know more and remember, you don’t always have to go a far as you think to find some interesting answers…”

 

 

Safe Travels

Shawna

aka ‘Canadian Film Girl’

DakarLOG – Rally Tunisia Libya 2009 invite | Miracle

April 19, 2009 – 9:00am - Marseille, France

Writing this, the time and location, it all seems a little too unreal.  Just one week ago, I had a completely  different week planned for myself.  One of reflection, redirection and a new beginning.  One that would put me on the road to my parent’s cabin in British Columbia’s Kootney Lake for a few weeks.  One that was to turn me and my film career (if you could call it that just yet) from the off-road adventures of “Chasing the Desert” – which had become more like a black comedy of sorts – and back in to the writers seat for a while, to dream of a few new beginnings and hack at a few of the old ones…  Time to start over again, time to start fresh.

That lasted all of 24 hours, as all my grand plans seem to these days, right up till  3pm on Easter Sunday…  Sitting on the beach at Crab Park, Vancouver, just outside my Gastown loft, another call to adventure – actually something larger than that, dropped into my iPhone from France, beckoning me back overseas, back into action, offering me up my one last shot at recovering from an unpredictable and unfortunate turn of events back in January of 2008.

On January 4th, 2008, an event, a story…  a dream I risked far to much on an idea of an experience and that experience ended up becoming far different than I could ever have expected.  Fact is, the event never ended up happening.  The event was the legendary Dakar Rally, a 15 day, 5000KM endurance and navigation rally race through Europe and Northern Africa.  But on January 4th and 12 noon, the rally became more than a legend – it wrote history.  12 hours prior to the start of it’s 30th edition, the race organizers cancelled the entire rally after a series of terrorist actions in Mauritania the week before which culminated with deaths of French tourists over the Christmas holiday.

The famous Paris-Dakar Rally had become the flagship of off-road rallies for professional and amateur racer and everyone stood that day, lost.

I stood there that day lost and broken, and literally broke.  I, like many of the competitors, gave everything to be in the rally even just once in a lifetime, to be a part of this seemingly unstoppable event that many only dream of setting foot inside of.  Like the Titanic, this event sank and not all had access to lifeboats to make it ashore.  A part in all of us died that day.  Not just a childhood dream, but a belief that anything is possible… that if one is strong enough, courageous enough, give enough, one can live a dream. 

We all risked more than most would to get there and like in that nightmare poker game, all saw it swiftly disappear when the cards hit the table on the first hand.  I alone was out my day job, roughly $50,000, 8 months of production and no way to get home to Canada.  I’m an independent filmmaker, this was to be my first documentary that I was self funding at that point and my insurance didn’t cover an event cancellation – no one’s did.  I am still one of the lucky ones with only bankruptcy staring at me on the near horizon…

Jump ahead 6 months…

I guess I am a little crazy, or so I thought at Easter, but a competing race organization to the Dakar Rally contacted me to assist them in securing a North American broadcaster to air their daily race summaries and to introduce their 10 day rally in Tunisia and Libya to a North American audience.  Basically what I have been fighting so hard and long to do with the Dakar Rally for 2 and a half years now.  This offer was different.  They turned the tables and instead of the 20,000 Euro entry fees and the 20,000 Euro license and rights fees, this organization had just invited me out AND offered both my footage and their footage for free – no cost.  A bit of a shocker on Easter afternoon (I am starting to like the Easter Bunny for more than the rice-crispy-chocolate treat in bunny form) – and a lot unexpected as I would have to be on a plane in 4 days to France to catch the boat…

So, do I give up everything again?  Risk my own sanity again?  Walkaway from my family who I was going to meet at the lake?  My friends who I had committed to plans with?  Myself and this so called life I keep trying to wrangle up and set on a sane course?  Will things wait for me this time when before they slipped through my fingers?  What will 3 weeks from my life look like this time, especially since I seem to be in a vortex of very odd occurrences as it is?  

One thing it did mean – ok, 2 things…  

#1: I will have the professional footage I need to complete an amazing documentary on my own personal journey chasing the Dakar Rally  AND have more than enough for an incredible episodic pilot that would lead up to both the Moroccan Rally AND the Dakar 2010 Rally to sell to a North American broadcaster.

#2: Originally, before the documentary was even conceived, I was just writing a feature dramatic film with the rally event as a backdrop to a brother story.  All I initially wanted was to participate in the rally to write the most realistic action sport adventure script possible…

This Easter egg….  this Easter Miracle…  just put me back in the driver’s seat and into the heart of the African desert and into the heart of an endurance and navigation rally.  This means that at the end of the most trying and difficult creative, financial, personal and professional journey I have ever taken to this point in my life…  I am given back more than just my first little dream when I thought it was long lost.  I am given the chance to finish my dramatic feature film script that I started over 2 and a half years ago…  and, I am given the chance to give back.

So, what did I do?  I put everything on the line again.  My day job, friends, family, my health…  my life.  Of course this time I called everyone before hand because this would have to be something I can share and celebrate on my return.  It’s no longer my journey – me, my family and friends have all invested to much to date and this is my last shot at finding an end to a story long over due.  

That little dream I watched die away on January 4th, 2008, has come back to life.  It looks a little different, but it feels right.  I think there is something exciting we can do with this.  For me, my project and for the desert.  I may be filing for bankruptcy this week (funny to do from France), but all my work and what I ultimately envisioned, still has a fighting chance…

The boat to Tunisia leaves tomorrow from the Port in Marseille.  I am sitting in my hotel recovering from a fever break at 39 degrees celcius just a day ago in the Frankfurt Airport, but I am recovering, charging my batteries and holding onto the hope that this time – it’s the right time for this little story of mine.

Shawna

EventREEL – Media That Matters Retreat | Brainstorm

iDream Films | CFilmGirl,  will be on the Master list, participating in Media That Matters, May 13-17, 2009.

“Media that Matters is a retreat and brainstorm for digital visionaries who are building bridges to new audiences and wider worldviews.

This intimate, multidisciplinary gathering is aimed at sharpening skills, strengthening leadership, expanding professional connections, fueling passions, and navigating the currents of today’s dynamic media climate.

Google Earth Outreach is coming to Media that Matters this year, looking to launch a Canadian campaign before the year is out. Join us for a kickoff strategy session on how this technology can blend with other media strategies to bolster some of our key environmental efforts — starting with the Alberta Tar Sands.

In the midst of the breathtaking environment of Hollyhock, we’ll have a broad slate of sharp minds exploring how the narrative of the virtual world can deepen our stewardship of nature”

Check out the website for more details on who’s coming and what’s happening.
Here’s a video of some of last year’s participants talking about the magic of MtM.

By Invitation or Application Only

NewsREEL – The Lucky Break, Pecha Kucha, Skewed Mag

It’s been a busy beginning to 2009, mostly around settling into my new digs, playing with the locals, ending the “Lucky Break” streak and taking everything to date (the last 2 years) onto the stage in Vancouver for one whirlwind night that took my breath away, literally…

The OFFICIAL end of the “Lucky Break”, February 20 2009

With the Dakar Rally focus set to 2010, I finally made a date with my surgeon and after waiting 2 years, had the bionic elements removed in February and I am back to being 100% human again – sort of…

2 years earlier –>  Lucky Break to the Baja 500

 

SKEWED MAGAZINE FEATURE, March/April

Me, my filmmaking life and Vancouver Gastown Loft are featured in a 7 page layout in the Studio edition of UBC’s online magazine.

“Working in the right space can make all the difference, and for the past couple of months we’ve been looking into different artists and their creative spaces. And so for our fourth edition we’re giving it a  theme: The Studio Issue. “

Check it out online –>  SKEWED MAGAZINE, March/April

 

Pecha Kucha Night, “The Little Dream”, March 26 2009, Vancouver

I had the amazing experience of speaking at Vancouver’s 5th edition of Pecha Kucha Night.   

It is a “mix of show-and-tell, open-mike night and happy hour, it has become the forum for ideas on design, culture and a lot else that has swept the world in just four years now having taken place in over 180 cities globally.”

For “The Little Dream” Slide Photos  —>  Click here

 

In just 6 minutes and 40 seconds, I take you into “The Little Dream” and takes on a 2 year journey with a live audience, Fast cars, globetrotting, terrorists and some “hot scenes”. This is a “Little Dream” that leaves us with a endless universe of possibilities…”

For “The Little Dream” video –>  “The Little Dream” – Pecha Kucha Night – Vancouver from CFilmGirl on Vimeo.

 

“Pronounced “peh-cha-ku-cha’’,  Each presenter is allowed 20 images, each shown for 20 seconds each – giving 6 minutes 40 seconds of fame before the next presenter is up. This keeps presentations concise, the interest level up, and gives more people the chance to show.”

 Check here for YOUR city –> Pecha Kucha Night

 

So, if you watched the video, you will know that I am rolling up my sleeves this year and making the most out of this Little Dream I had one day, taking what I’ve got in my hands,  2 great projects, a life in a great neighbourhood and taking it all one (or 2) steps at a time.

See you out there on the streets, in the desert and somewhere completely lost in between!

Shawna

NewsREEL – 2009 Dakar Rally Documentary | Canceled

Well, it has been a journey – a 2 year journey facing the 2008 Dakar Rally cancelation and now the 2009 Dakar Rally Documentary… Cancelation.

No filming in the 2009 Dakar Rally for this film girl.  Yup.  Cancelation.  I didn’t see that one coming.  2 years in a row, some odds!

I would like to wish Mark Miller, driver (with Team Volkswagen Motorsport) and Jonah Street, Motorcycle rider (with Team Rally Pan Am) – the best of luck in the 2009 Dakar Rally.  They both have the heart and the mind to make history this year to be the first North Americans to capture a Dakar winning title.  Mark and Jonah were the main subjects of the Documentary and a director’s dream…  Two very humble and genuinely talented men.  Both are inspirations on so many levels.

I wish a special thanks to Mark Miller.  

He’s got his head on right…   

In one his first emails, 3 simple words set the stage for the whole last 2 years of chasing the desert…  ”enjoy the journey.”  

From that, it was easy to understand that it wasn’t the win that was driving this dream.  Many of us spend so much time ‘chasing the desert’ or chasing our dreams that we can’t see that we are already lost in the middle of it!  Mark is lost in the middle of it all and loves every moment.  Even if he wins, he has his heart set on the next adventure…  Something about a 2008 Baja 1000 race with his North American home team and a recent Jetta Series he built from the ground up where he mentors young drivers.  Something about setting his sights on home…  Mark helped me to see how to navigate the desert and endure it’s tests but most of all, not lose sight of the big picture – that journey home.  

Thanks Mark, for inspiring my journey.

DakarLOG – chasing dreams | the ‘real’ story

dreams are interesting

once they come to life, they are different

they are no longer dreams.

poking holes in the future

Never stop – ever.

s

DakarREEL – CFG LIVE in Morocco | Map Film-bites

Shawna Cox | CFG is…  on Facebook.  “Be my friend – and HANG ON!” for photos of Baja 500, 1000, The Dakar Rally and every ADVENTURE inbetween and behind the scenes… 

Indie and Adventure Filming and Event info?  Join the Canadian Film Girl | CFG Facebook Fan Page

2008 Dakar Rally Race Route, Morocco, October 2008: Making of “Chasing the Desert”…  

Escaping Flash floods, desert nights, Canadian Girls racing hidden trails, deep inside the ‘Medina’ of Marrakech, hot diggity scarabs and a wee-bit-of night dune driving (and running the battery down…)??

–>>  ”Where’s Shawna on the map?”

http://racetrackinginternational.com/tracking/shawna.php?raceID=8

–>>  Shawna’s Video Diary:
http://racetrackinginternational.com/multimedia/shaunacoxmedia.php

 

Canadian Film Girl | CFG, Shawna Cox

 

Who knew I would ever sit in the middle of the desert at night and be filming, editing and uploading daily film-bites.  1 HDV camera, 2 VIO-POV 1 car cams, 1 Mac laptop, 1 Iritrack GPS tracker, 1 crazy group of Canadians, 1 4×4, and 1 satellite way up in the sky (@ 7 euros a megabite, I might add = $200 + per 2 minute video)

where in the world is CFG....

I am on my last two days on the trail after a whirlwind 2 days in Cannes, France for the MIPCOM film market, then a midnight flight to Marrakech, Morocco.  I am currently on day 6???  …I think, and will be touching ground in Madrid, London, Toronto and finally home to Vancouver by next monday.  

I have been racing around Morocco, chasing Mark Miller’s Dakar Rally past  (Mark ends up in Morocco basically just as I leave…  timing) for the background for the 2009 Dakar Rally Documentary – the old Dakar Rally trail.  

I currently have a live map following our journey (the same iritrack as used on Dakar for the racers) as well as daily 2 minute film bites.  IRC stepped up to the plate to embed media into their live race maps – this is the first test.  

The tracker didn’t get started until 2 days into the trip, but the videos have been going well – uploading via satilite from the middle of the desert…  who knew.  (Rob!  what happened to video # 002 ???  

Thanks for keeping up with me, hot on the trail of Mark Miller (Team Volkswagen) and the 2009 Dakar Rally…    www.dakar.com

Good night from afar.

S

DakarLOG – LIVE in Morocco | GPS and Video…

Shawna is in Morocco – live map & video soon (24 hours or less) at
> http://racetrackinginternational.com

crappy internet – can’t chat!

s

DakarLOG – Pat’s 2008 Morocco Trek Log 03 | Route

 

pat trahan	Mon, Oct 6, 2008 at 10:22 PM
Reply-To: pat trahan  To: shawna cox
Hi Shawna, cool for the room, I think you will like it!! Ok here a little bit about our route.. I am still working on the coordinates. But it is very flexible.. We can change it at any moment!! it is a proposed route! 13 – Arrival Patrick – Marrak. Get stuff ready – Riad 14 – Arrival Shawna – night in marrak – Riad 15 – Day in Marrak – Going to Rally rose des sables – Night in Bivouac of organisation 16 – Going to a CP to film continue Liason North – lots of KM – Night in small village 17 – Going on the Dakar route – Night on Bivouac 18 – Sand dunes in Erfoud – Bivouac in the big Dunes – Camel Trek 19 – Going South on the Dakar route – Night in Small Village 20 – Going south to Agadir – Night at my friend Surf Camp 21 – Day at the beach surf lesson, going to Marrak – Night in Marrak 22 – Day in Marrak – bring back 4×4 – transfer to aeroport I will send you more detail on a map once I am done… Do you need cofee in the morning? Are you alergic to any food? Do you like wine, Pastis, hihi. Just checking. Bring emodium, tylenol, etc Talk to you soon P ________ shawna cox  Mon, Oct 6, 2008 at 10:56 PM To: pat trahan are we close to the fossil pit / rock pit Mark Miller mentioned?  :-)  I like fossils….  :-)  Want to go there…. All looks good – are we camping in the small villages? What’s the accommodation like there – home stays? $$?  desert camping is cool still too. What’s ‘Pastis’?  Coffee would be good, but not neccessary – NOT TIM HORTONS!  HA! No allergies – Just not a lot of Dairy or sweet things.  Looking forward to good staples of camping and the desert and Morocco.  Nothing super fancy – simpler is better for me.  Wine is good, but not a lot as I can react to the sulfides – what ever Moroccans drink. Map will be cool to post on the blog! woo! s _________ pat trahan <rallyedakar@yahoo.ca> Tue, Oct 7, 2008 at 5:59 AM To: shawna cox  Yes we will go to the fossil pit!  In the small village we either will have to get a cheap hostel, 10 euro per niight or go further. I never camp near villages. But if you like bivouac that is good too. We stop at the village get the food and drink and go out in the desert! I prefer that. You will have the time of your life, I hope you will like the desert as much as I love it!! I can’t wait.  It will be very simple for camping because I cant bring much in my luggage and we cannot buy camping equipment there. Talk to you soon Pat

DakarLOG – Support, Satellites and wishful Safe returns | Go Live

“Shawna Cox wonders if she can GO LIVE VIDEO in Morocco – needs SATELLITE assistance!!”

Facebook has done something horrible – it turned a genuinely fun day at Cafe Beano in Calgary – a once a month thing where a few of us would do this silly and oddly swanky thing where we would only talk in the 3rd person to one another….  ok, you are thinking that didn’t we have much to do – well, we did, but this was that mild form of entertainment that kept us all giggling and made us think a bit different on that day than on any other given day.

Enter ‘FAcebook’.  

yup – with iPhone in hand, 3rd person day has become almost everyday.  I found myself hiking, thinking “Shawna thinks this moss is interesting…”  I stopped and thought “wow, who is talking?”  It’s all of the sudden like  I am a director in my own personal movie, with the commentary that one can turn ‘on’ or ‘off’ on the DVD extras.

I was wondering “who really thinks what I am doing is so interesting?”.  I guess I do – cause I was commenting on it.  Maybe it made me really SEE and be AWARE of what I was doing.  Maybe I was just getting closer to borderline crazy (most likely)…  

Or, Maybe…  Someone else out there may find what I am doing, interesting.  Facebook posts these mini-feeds.  These mini-feeds become a REAL thread.  A snapshot into your friends lives.  A little voyeuristic, but hey, we DO POST photos and thoughts and feelings FREELY for others to ‘SEE’.  Not so private, but SO VERY PUBLIC.   

Today, I updated my profile “what are you doing right now?” with this:

“Shawna Cox wonders if she can GO LIVE VIDEO in Morocco – needs SATELLITE assistance!!”

My facebook world responded back.  Mostly email messages – from more people than I thought were actually interested.

Here’s one response:

Wherever you’re going,whoever your with,whatever the hell is going on whether good or bad, Be careful!..You are such a strong person,and I want you to come back all in one piece, because we are destined to meet some day,somewhere even if only for a few minutes. Just a few wouldn’t be fair, though would it? Love ya’ ; p

And my response back – funny, I didn’t know this is where I was really at until I responded to my friend from afar…

I am only doing what I know and that is ‘to just keep going’ – and I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM GOING! – I think we would always hit the day when we said “I wish I would have”. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I would rather try than fail than to know that I didn’t even try at all. damn that’s corny, until you are faced with it full on. In the end it is only me who can walk through that door first, so that others can and will follow. I know I am not doing it alone – i know everyone is behind me. Including you. Thanks for being there every step of the way. Thank you for your great and supportive words. Paths will cross, that is just how the world seems to work these days…

hugs s

I think in School, we are always trying to be cool, to fit in, to have a purpose that is clear and a status of some sort of importance or relevance.  I am 35 years old, feel like I have none of the above.  

All I have is this beat inside me that doesn’t stop and I somehow can’t shake it’s message…  I guess out of all those 35 years, I don’t think I learned a thing, cause everything I am doing is going FLAT OUT again ALL COMMON SENSE.  

Somewhere, early on, someone told me that I could be anything I wanted and do anything I wanted.  Somehow, that seems to be my default – NO IDAE WHERE IT CAME FROM (so I will blame my parents).  Not Fight or Flight response, but a ‘KEEP DREAMING’ response.  And the closer I get to feeling like it’s all about to fall away, I wake up with something beating inside me.

 ”just one more day…  I can do it…”  

I don’t want to wake up if it means my life is anything other than what I have created to this date.  Yes, there are things I am missing, yes, there are things I am envious of, but DAMN YES, in some burnt-out way, I still wake up thinking…

“maybe today…”

 

 

I still have hope.  Maybe, just maybe – this is what my life is to be.  One continuous journey – no start and no end.  Just all the hope of life and love inbetween.

Thank you to everyone that has made me feel sane.  For a moment, a second, or just in passing.  

This is your journey as much as it is mine – thank you for sharing the trail.

I am trying to wrangle a video upload from Morocco.  Believe it or not – it’s a bit tougher than from the Dakar Rally.  I will do what I can – try some services from the UK.  If you know anyone, send them my way.

Sweet dreams and see you in Morocco.

Shawna